Rerouted

I have been rerouted. The vision I had for my life and future has taken a dramatic turn of events in the last 6 months. The road I was one was preparing our family for a life of ministry with foster care and adoption. We were getting our ducks in a row. We were a two income house hold with full time jobs for the first time in our 11 years of marriage. We were out of survival mode of life and enjoying not living pay check to pay check. We were embracing the freedom that comes with not having babies or toddlers and the loving the independence of older children. Our youngest child was in her last year of preschool, and I was looking into going into a teaching career to have the schedule and summers off similar to my school age kids.

 My heart was filled with a desire to foster children and eventually put a fourth child in our family through adoption. Our goal was to save for a bigger house and car so we could help children in CPS care, the goal was within 2-3 years.. To our surprise within one month various situations occurred and we had a bigger house and car.

Talk about the Lord moving mountains! I took this as a sign from God that our ministry was to start NOW not in 2-3 years. We had complications juggling the mandantory CPS classes, work, and the kids.  We took a class here when the classes were offered in our area. At the beginning of September in 2013, I got new burst of energy and commitment and decided we were going to do whatever it took to finish the classes. We compared our schedules to the classes offered and worked out a way to finish the classes within the next month. I signed us up for the next month and even got a babysitter lined to help with the kids. Everything had fallen into place and I was on fire and ready to serve, ready to use my gift of working with kids for his glory.

That’s when I was rerouted. My husband said he did not want to do foster care, that it was always my dream but not his. He just went along with everything I said and wanted to make me happy. I was convinced that this was God’s plan for our family. I prayed for God to reveal himself to my husband and was ready to patiently wait until his heart was ready.

That’s when I was rerouted.  My husband said to me did not love me, he did not want to be married to me, and he was not happy in our marriage or his life. He claimed he had lived his whole life to please others but now he only cared about his own happiness and was determine to go find it. He moved out.

That’s when I was rerouted. Two weeks after he left my husband confessed to having an affair with a co-work that had been going on for several months. She left her husband and they were living together. They had plans to marry each other and he wanted a speedy divorce.

That’s when I was rerouted. Two days after learning about his affair, I took a test that came back positive. I was pregnant. Pregnant with our fourth child.

My life now is never what I imagined it to be. Raising my children alone, going to bed alone, being pregnant alone…. 

My life has been rerouted. At a time I thought "we had made it" in life.  I  was at a point to give back of my time and my finances. I am now struggling and in survival mode again lacking both time and finances. My heart is heavy in trying to find my new "ministry." I don't want to be so wrapped up in my own survival that I miss the needs of others. I need a reroute.  

I will close out this blog and reroute to a new one.  It will be by invitation only so if you are interested in reading about my rerouted life let me know so I can sign you in as a reader.